Tatties

Overheard in the queue at Ali’s Cave, North Junction Street

(Lady with shopping trolley bag approaches assistant behind the counter)

Do you no hae any tatties hen?

– Naw, we dinnae sell tatties here.

Aye, but tatties, ye must hae tatties. Any’an has tatties.

– Naw, electric, dog fod, batteries, toys, aw that stuff. Nae tatties.

(long pause)

Aw. Well then, go an hae a look in the back, eh, U’ve come aw this way an a taxi’s waiting ootside. U’ve got aw the messages eh.

– See I canne leave the shop flaer. Here, how’s aboot some crisps, that do ye?

Whit’s that go tae do wi tatties like?

(Both sigh. Shop assistant smiles and serves next customer.)

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